A Fantasy: 1) Regret

You were the boy in the lecture,
With a cheeky look, and an obliviousness
I conjured you, I willed you speak to me.
A soppy narrative perhaps will follow,
I am ashamed but still I proceed.

It all happened so quickly,
Sat at the kitchen table,
You pulled me close,
And we were kissing,
Rapidly and harder,
And it went somewhere else.

As suddenly as that,
we were dating.
Self-described “dull”,
You were a love I’ll never find elsewhere,
More importantly you were an assailant,
You were that place I wanted to find.

You enthroned me goddess,
And in turn I absorbed you.
I feel so childish, girlish (?)
Describing all this. Past.
But our love was the best.
You were there, you understood.

A few explosive rows
and we I was done.
It’s never the same the second time.
(A lesson I’ve finally learnt).
Fear of a repetitive past.
Stopped me trying again when you asked.

I think this is the worse thing,
I’ve ever written.
Some details fail me.
Alas, words so material
Could not define how I felt about you.
How you felt about me.

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