She Screams Christmas

And she was left screaming into the night ‘I never loved you. I was just cold’. Howling like some wretched beast into the blackness; ‘HOW I HATE HIM NOW’. She had been wrong about him. Cold and alone she had let him in. It had just gotten cold. That’s all it was, it was not love. She had feared losing him not because he was the one, but she was so cold. She could love if only she were allowed. With him she had unearthed her darkest qualities, possessively and obsessively she had become the monster. She had been driven by fear; fear of treating him in any less of a way than he deserved. Instead she had made herself small and simultaneously he had grown. Grown so big that she could neither control him nor the situation. And he had known. Known her so entirely that he was the perfect manipulator. He had robbed her of any self-esteem and fed on her insecurities to nourish his needs. And now she hated him. It gets cold in this blanket of snow, this world she had made for herself was cold and uncaring. She wanted to be alone, content and alone. If she shut the world out, would it stop hurting her? Would it stop using her?

She screams Christmas, ‘why does it always hurt at Christmas?’

He was long gone. Nobody will ever know what he thought or felt. He had just disappeared into the darkness. It had ended, that is all that concerned him.

(The title is a song by Frightened Rabbit, and images from their song ‘It Gets Cold’ are also used – both songs, and all their other songs, are well worth a listen)


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