I think I am perhaps mainly putting this here as more of an incentive to do what I say I am going to do. I am going to write. And I am going to finish something. I realised I was waiting for some kind of big idea or subject when really I am my subject. And while my life has not been that eventful and I am only 19, where there isn’t excitement, make it. Exaggerate events and add some in. But it is easier to analyse and add depth to a character who at the base of it has had the same experiences as you and thinks in the same way. At least that is my theory.
I began by reading all the journals I have from about age 10 onwards. I have always kept a journal but when I moved when I was 10 I appear to either have lost them or thrown them away without realising that maybe one day I would still want them. From my early journals though I don’t think I am missing out, I tend to write now more about what I am thinking more than what I have done whereas then I was the opposite. The life of a 10 year-old is not one which is particularly interesting. I then made diagrams of everything I wanted to include.
I have found these exercises useful as they have shown me what I need to improve on but not in the usual way where I look at myself in a very self-deprecating way and unrealistically set goals for myself. I am learning reasonable goals for me to work on to make me happier and to make me more like the kind of person I want others to know. I feel as though it is helping me understand myself a little better which is all I have ever really wanted. Obviously I still know very little but I feel as though I am learning a lot and hoping it will lead to me betttering myself.
Finally the themes I am hoping to include within this prose are; gender, obsessions, relationships, deity, solitude, identity and expectations. There is more I have considered and I think a lot of it is interwoven.
I want to work on my writing style and create a voice which I don’t dislike and I am hoping this will help me do that. I also have about three months summer holiday to kill and I thought this might help me do it.
What is the point of language if we don’t ever express ourselves?