I have been thinking recently about humans and being ready. Recently I have sort of been seeing a guy and we were coming up for summer and the day he left he told me he thought that we should just be friends because if we carry on we will end up ruining our friendship. He isn’t very good at keeping in contact with people and usually I have to text him first and make the effort and he knew that over summer it probably wouldn’t work. Also he said he didn’t think he was ready for a girlfriend, not that he has ever had a girlfriend. Admittedly he didn’t deal with the whole thing very well and I feel a lot of what happened, happened because he panicked.
But I just feel that humans can’t wait until they are ready because when are we ever really ready for change and something which may well be a risk. While we all complain about being single when you are content being single it is absolutely fine, in fact it can be great. So when would we be ready to leave something which we know we can function in. Obviously there are things which we should feel ‘ready’ to do before we do them but on the whole I don’t feel there really comes such a time where you can be completely certain that you were ready for it.
Furthermore this whole ‘we’ll be friends’ thing does not work for me because we aren’t friends and while we were really close before there was chemistry. What I am saying is you shouldn’t want to ever kiss your friends, because then they aren’t friends. Being friends with someone is different. And I don’t want to go back to being friends because it is unlikely that we’ll ever be as close as we were before.
I am worried because I don’t always treat what he said as final, I feel like in September we may potentially get back together but realistically that probably isn’t going to happen. I think what hurt the most was the night before he came round to mine and he definitely liked me then and kept saying how he was going to make an effort over summer and how we were going to meet up. Basically he turned into absolutely everything I wanted him to be the night before.
I am really trying not to let this bother me but it really does. When I think about it, in a year time this probably won’t bother me and so why should it necessarily now? I just feel like he is the first guy who I haven’t tried to punish for what every other guy has done to me before or just for being them. I felt like I really tried and I am not sure why. I think he panicked and it annoys me that I can’t seem to give him the reassurance he needs.
I know he is worried that he is going to hurt me but I have obviously made the decision that he is worth getting hurt for and right now it doesn’t really feel like we have much of a choice. It is either a relationship for nothing because friendship is not going to work. Definitely not now and probably not too well in the future.