While at lunch I realise that we are the same. A friend from Switzerland is in England at the moment, she use to go to high school but then moved to Zürich when her dad got a new job. I am in a group of three and the other two are really close friends with her, I guess you could assume I replaced her, expect I didn’t because they prefer her anyway. Anyway, the other two are really close friends and rightly so, but I often feel left out.
When Kat (girl was Switzerland was here) one of the girls spoke to her and they both left the other one out. And I realised that in that moment that we were the same. I often complain about her and don’t like her but really we are the same, she seemed upset and I’m often upset. We are all just too self-absorbed to notice when someone is. And if we do notice it is almost a duty to ask them how they are when 1) we may not care or 2) we are acting on our human nature of nosy nature to want to find out so we can either tell someone else or have the satisfaction of knowing we have some gossip. You may turn around and say you don’t do this and if you don’t I wish I were more like you.
This week the girl who has been left out has been saying nasty comments about the other and I’ll be honest I used the excuse “it is better to get things off your chest” for my own personal gain. It is not as though I am going to do anything with this piece of information but it is just interesting to know.
It made me realise that I am just the same, we all have traits and isn’t it bad enough that we can pick up on them and desperately want to change them without the pressure of what other people may think. I have worried in the past what people say when I am not there and although I do the same, it shouldn’t be like that.
Furthermore I also feel like if I realise that a friend is arrogant, I should realise, accept it and then move on. So when they say something arrogant I won’t get inwardly annoyed about it and rant to someone about how no one should be that self-assured. Instead I should be surprised when they say something quite humbly.
I know I am guilty of this as much as the next person but we all should stop thinking we can change someone. I’ve heard it said before that during a wedding service it goes “aisle, altar, hymn”, meaning “I’ll alter him”. Women are the worst for it, they really do think they can change men. For example if someone cheats and the person who they cheated with is interested in a relationship it shows they think they can change this person’s adulterous ways. It doesn’t always have to be that extreme, but if we’re honest we’d just like to tweak people so they behave in the way that we want them too. Really what we should be doing is focusing on their good attributes and learning to accept them fully for who they are.