Grandpa

The slow beating of a heart

Burr bom…burr bom…burr bom…

A heart that is tiring 

I envy in your hospital bed 

In your crisp white sheets

I envy you because 

You are moments away

From stopping, from dying. 

Alone

And he looked at me 

With his thoughtful, knowing eyes,

‘What do you want?’ he asked,

‘I want to be left alone,

entirely by you,

I want to sleep without 

hurting, forget everything.’

You’re just another notch

on my belt of human failures.

A notch with a heightened

importance nonetheless 

and a pain in my chest. 

Vegetarian

A vegetarian, certainly,
Cannibal, perhaps?
A persistent leach bleeding him dry.
A parasite.
Eating away day-by-day
Limb by limb
Destruction, I devour him.

I dream of him entwined,
Squeezing him closer
Crushing him between my loins.
This one can’t leave
I will be better this time
With this one.
I never meant to break any of them.

Stars on a Skirt

‘Number 5 tagged you
in 4 photos’ fuck.
An immediate text
‘I like your skirt’
‘Thank you, a space themed party’
Warranted that skirt,
With it’s constellations and
brightly coloured stars, depicting
a solar system for arts students,
unreachable, it may not exist
I would not know accuracy,
but I thought it pretty.

Next a bodycon dress,
A googleable term
‘a skintight dress which
emphasises your contours’
oh, how thrilled you must be
to have me in your life.
I can tell nothing of stars,
of cosmology, Saturn’s rings,
or of earth’s orbit.
But you still send messages everyday.
I own 27 dresses and 22 skirts
not all bodycon.
I had something to wear to the space party
people even said it was nice.
Strangely this makes our knowledge equal.

Finally

Two parties, two men.
I should be ashamed,
I suppose I am.
That religious upbringing,
Instilling it’s ugly ideas
of connecting guilt with
physical pleasure,
Well, my Lord, I am guilty.

The first, he was new,
It was fun, but had
the potential.
He didn’t use me
Like the second insists.
And now?
Now I think
he wants my company.

And the other?
He is not new,
I use to try,
Last time well
that was just for fun.
Fun, physical fun,
but fuck, don’t
I need a wash now.

I am unsure,
I thought of the first man
with the second,
but did not think of anyone first.
The second assumes
he owns me.
However,
Despite his beliefs,
Finally
I am his no longer.

Number Five

You’re very skinny, but
some girls go for that.
“I found what you like
little kisses down your neck”.
Kissing on the stairwell,
Kissing on the couch,
Just kissing, kissing, kissing you,
I’m drunk and you’re dressed as a nun.
Your grip gets firmer
My kisses get quicker.
He doesn’t know,
What he kissed,
Some girls go for skinny men.

Fiction (2)

Yes but I’d drop anyone for you.
Other men are very nice but they aren’t you.
And I can’t write.
Can’t write this.
Can’t say it.
But we’ll end up married, my dear.
End up married, miserable
with all those ugly children.
We’ll have those mundane jobs,
and you’ll have your car
that you’ll spend too much time polishing.
And I’ll still have this pen,
and write fiction of us.
Another woman’s reality.